🔋Stop Giving Away Your Power

#TakeBackYourPower starts with not giving away your power, not staying quiet, and not doubting yourself.

Sep 28, 2022

I’m Fionna, a product manager, a certified scuba diver, and someone who is going to take their power back 💥!
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When I was in grade 7, I tried out for the school’s swim team. We all stood in a corner and the coach asked us to line up behind the lanes based on how fast we think we can swim - going to the deep end means you think can swim the fastest. As people started moving, I froze there not sure what to do. I know I’m a decent swimmer but rating myself as a good one felt odd, foreign and …wrong 😖. I heard voices saying “oh, I’m going to the deep end”, I wanted that too but my feet wouldn’t comply and landed at the shallow end. I defaulted myself to being the slowest one without putting up a fight.

I had immigrated to Canada just a year prior and it has been a regret that makes my heart pinch when I think of it. The faster team had more pool time, coaching and competitions, things that I dreamed of having to become a better swimmer. But I gave it away, willingly.

Which brings me to this post today, a petition to myself and many others who felt like they’re powerless - we have power, we’ve always had power, and we need need to start not giving it away.

I attended Deb Liu’s book event/Q&A last night hosted by WIP Seattle x Lenny’s newsletter, and it was inspiring, actionable, and the wake up call that I needed.

It’s hard enough to be the only woman of color in a meeting trying to get your voice heard, let alone fighting against this ruthless bully in your head 👿 who doubts you and talks you out of talking at every opportunity. “Your point is not novel enough”, “you look like crap today”, “that’s a stupid question”, “you should know this already”, “the agenda is already jam packed, there’s no time for you”, “you’ve already talked once let others talk”, “others are so much smarter than you, no one wants to listen to what you have to say”… These are the thoughts that go through my head constantly.

Funny thing is, I’ve mentored PMs and these are the things I would never tell them. The advice has always been, “there are no stupid questions”, “you bring fresh perspectives”, “you should definitely speak up”!

I didn’t realize that every time I chose to not speak up, not raising my hand, not sending that message, I’m voluntarily handing over my power on a platter to those who are louder than me. No credential check, just louder and can speak on the spot. It’s almost like, here you go - I don’t need this opportunity, I’m ok being spoken over, it’s fine that my presentation gets shortened or pushed off, I haven’t even heard of your idea but it’s definitely better than mine!

No! I’m saying no to all that, and I’m taking my power back!

Here are my takeaways from the event:

👩🏻 If you’re the only representation, at least you’re there
It’s so important that you keep showing up and proving that you bring value, so that more people like you will join or be invited.
🧰 Treat speaking up as a skill
People have a natural bias towards people who speak up especially on the spot, but what if I’m an introvert and I need time to formulate my response? Having a “pre-read” culture helps, but on a personal level, you have to treat it like learning an instrument and put in the time to practice. Join a safe space like Toastmasters or Lean in circles to practice speaking. Get comfortable with vocalizing your thoughts in front of people, take feedback seriously and practice more.
🏋️‍♀️ We don’t associate power with women - neutralize it
Men are taught to be powerful (cue Tony Stark fighting scene ⚔️), and women are taught to be nurturing (cue mellow music👩‍🍼). When your perceived notion of a gender mismatches with what you’re seeing in real life, you are confused and want to right it. That’s why we need to neutralize these words, have a growth mindset when perceiving others and ourselves.
🪫 Women are over mentored and under sponsored
How many people would put your name up for a promotion or a seat on the board, and how many people would you do that for? It’s risky, you really have to trust your sponsored party or it could backfire and impact your own reputation. So why aren’t more women being sponsored/promoted? Why aren’t more people putting their reputation on the line for women? Are they not trustworthy, can they not ace the job? I don’t think so, then what’s the problem here? 🤔
🏊‍♀️ Swim lane relationship - treat each other as partners
One of the most important qualities to have in a relationship is trust. When your partner sets out to do something for the family, trusts them to do the right thing - don’t doubt them and don’t complain. If you do, you take it over. With a balanced division of labour where you know your partner has your back, everyone is happy.
🪜 Turn a mentor into a sponsor by showing up and committing
When mentors give you feedback, take them seriously, come back and say “I took your feedback, what are the other 3 things I can do to get to XYZ?”, repeat and show them what you’re capable of and that you’re eager to learn.
🙅‍♀️ If you aren’t hearing no enough, you’re not asking enough
Rejections are tough, but don’t take it personally. Easy to say, hard to do (I know 😢). But really, there are many factors behind a “no”, and you need to parse through that, keep asking, and use those feedback to find the path to a “yes”.
🤱 Maternity leaves are more difficult than it looks
I think more people need to hear this. Maternity/Paternally leave is tough on the parent - your career can be put on hold while you watch your colleague rise up and even become your boss. Have a set arrangement with your manager prior if possible, and look at the bigger picture - would you regret not having that promo or not having a family?
💁🏼Help your manager help you
Sometimes it can feel like your manager is working against you - while there are terrible managers out there who don’t take accountability and probably shouldn’t be managers. But remember they are human too, and they have bosses and KPIs to meet. Inquire what they care about the most, and tap into that. Help them to help you.
🏆 Turn your current job into something you actually wanted
When a CEO told Deb that she’d never have the job that she wanted, she morphed her current position into the that job! This might not be possible for every role, but try looking for the similarities and see if
🎼 Leaders don’t make all decisions but ensure great decisions are made
Using the analogy that Naomi used, PM is like a conductor, you don’t need to be the best at playing the violin or piano, your job is to make everyone sound good together. Same for great leaders, they are not making all the decisions, but they are there to listen, guide, and mentor so the right decisions are made.

To learn more about Deb, check out her substack “Perspectives” and book “Take back your power”!

It was my first in-person event since the pandemic started, and WIP did an amazing job hosting! Props to Jenny for moderating, and the entire Seattle WIP chapter for planning! To my surprise, I saw some familiar faces and even met a colleague whom I’ve only “worked with” online! An ex-colleague said she still remembers the status updates I used to send called “Minute Reads”, and think about it when she writes her own! It literally made my day 🥹! It’s comments like these that inspire me to keep writing! Thank you! 🫶

If you found this piece amusing in anyway, I’d love it if you could share it with a friend or on social media - this will help my newsletter a lot :)