đStop Giving Away Your Power
#TakeBackYourPower starts with not giving away your power, not staying quiet, and not doubting yourself.
Hello Friends!
Iâm Fionna, a product manager, a certified scuba diver, and someone who is going to take their power back đ„!
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When I was in grade 7, I tried out for the schoolâs swim team. We all stood in a corner and the coach asked us to line up behind the lanes based on how fast we think we can swim - going to the deep end means you think can swim the fastest. As people started moving, I froze there not sure what to do. I know Iâm a decent swimmer but rating myself as a good one felt odd, foreign and âŠwrong đ. I heard voices saying âoh, Iâm going to the deep endâ, I wanted that too but my feet wouldnât comply and landed at the shallow end. I defaulted myself to being the slowest one without putting up a fight.
I had immigrated to Canada just a year prior and it has been a regret that makes my heart pinch when I think of it. The faster team had more pool time, coaching and competitions, things that I dreamed of having to become a better swimmer. But I gave it away, willingly.
Which brings me to this post today, a petition to myself and many others who felt like theyâre powerless - we have power, weâve always had power, and we need need to start not giving it away.
I attended Deb Liuâs book event/Q&A last night hosted by WIP Seattle x Lennyâs newsletter, and it was inspiring, actionable, and the wake up call that I needed.
Itâs hard enough to be the only woman of color in a meeting trying to get your voice heard, let alone fighting against this ruthless bully in your head đż who doubts you and talks you out of talking at every opportunity. âYour point is not novel enoughâ, âyou look like crap todayâ, âthatâs a stupid questionâ, âyou should know this alreadyâ, âthe agenda is already jam packed, thereâs no time for youâ, âyouâve already talked once let others talkâ, âothers are so much smarter than you, no one wants to listen to what you have to sayâ⊠These are the thoughts that go through my head constantly.
Funny thing is, Iâve mentored PMs and these are the things I would never tell them. The advice has always been, âthere are no stupid questionsâ, âyou bring fresh perspectivesâ, âyou should definitely speak upâ!
I didnât realize that every time I chose to not speak up, not raising my hand, not sending that message, Iâm voluntarily handing over my power on a platter to those who are louder than me. No credential check, just louder and can speak on the spot. Itâs almost like, here you go - I donât need this opportunity, Iâm ok being spoken over, itâs fine that my presentation gets shortened or pushed off, I havenât even heard of your idea but itâs definitely better than mine!
No! Iâm saying no to all that, and Iâm taking my power back!
Here are my takeaways from the event:
đ©đ» If youâre the only representation, at least youâre there
Itâs so important that you keep showing up and proving that you bring value, so that more people like you will join or be invited.
𧰠Treat speaking up as a skill
People have a natural bias towards people who speak up especially on the spot, but what if Iâm an introvert and I need time to formulate my response? Having a âpre-readâ culture helps, but on a personal level, you have to treat it like learning an instrument and put in the time to practice. Join a safe space like Toastmasters or Lean in circles to practice speaking. Get comfortable with vocalizing your thoughts in front of people, take feedback seriously and practice more.
đïžââïž We donât associate power with women - neutralize it
Men are taught to be powerful (cue Tony Stark fighting scene âïž), and women are taught to be nurturing (cue mellow musicđ©âđŒ). When your perceived notion of a gender mismatches with what youâre seeing in real life, you are confused and want to right it. Thatâs why we need to neutralize these words, have a growth mindset when perceiving others and ourselves.
đȘ« Women are over mentored and under sponsored
How many people would put your name up for a promotion or a seat on the board, and how many people would you do that for? Itâs risky, you really have to trust your sponsored party or it could backfire and impact your own reputation. So why arenât more women being sponsored/promoted? Why arenât more people putting their reputation on the line for women? Are they not trustworthy, can they not ace the job? I donât think so, then whatâs the problem here? đ€
đââïž Swim lane relationship - treat each other as partners
One of the most important qualities to have in a relationship is trust. When your partner sets out to do something for the family, trusts them to do the right thing - donât doubt them and donât complain. If you do, you take it over. With a balanced division of labour where you know your partner has your back, everyone is happy.
đȘ Turn a mentor into a sponsor by showing up and committing
When mentors give you feedback, take them seriously, come back and say âI took your feedback, what are the other 3 things I can do to get to XYZ?â, repeat and show them what youâre capable of and that youâre eager to learn.
đ ââïž If you arenât hearing no enough, youâre not asking enough
Rejections are tough, but donât take it personally. Easy to say, hard to do (I know đą). But really, there are many factors behind a ânoâ, and you need to parse through that, keep asking, and use those feedback to find the path to a âyesâ.
đ€± Maternity leaves are more difficult than it looks
I think more people need to hear this. Maternity/Paternally leave is tough on the parent - your career can be put on hold while you watch your colleague rise up and even become your boss. Have a set arrangement with your manager prior if possible, and look at the bigger picture - would you regret not having that promo or not having a family?
đđŒHelp your manager help you
Sometimes it can feel like your manager is working against you - while there are terrible managers out there who donât take accountability and probably shouldnât be managers. But remember they are human too, and they have bosses and KPIs to meet. Inquire what they care about the most, and tap into that. Help them to help you.
đ Turn your current job into something you actually wanted
When a CEO told Deb that sheâd never have the job that she wanted, she morphed her current position into the that job! This might not be possible for every role, but try looking for the similarities and see if
đŒ Leaders donât make all decisions but ensure great decisions are made
Using the analogy that Naomi used, PM is like a conductor, you donât need to be the best at playing the violin or piano, your job is to make everyone sound good together. Same for great leaders, they are not making all the decisions, but they are there to listen, guide, and mentor so the right decisions are made.
To learn more about Deb, check out her substack âPerspectivesâ and book âTake back your powerâ!
It was my first in-person event since the pandemic started, and WIP did an amazing job hosting! Props to Jenny for moderating, and the entire Seattle WIP chapter for planning! To my surprise, I saw some familiar faces and even met a colleague whom Iâve only âworked withâ online! An ex-colleague said she still remembers the status updates I used to send called âMinute Readsâ, and think about it when she writes her own! It literally made my day đ„č! Itâs comments like these that inspire me to keep writing! Thank you! đ«¶
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